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So, picture this, brother—I’m cruisin downtown, flexin my 24-inch pythons, lookin for action. Not wrestlin action, nah, somethin dirtier. Findin a prostitute ain’t like orderin a burger, dude. You gotta know the spots—those shady corners where the neon buzzes like a suplex gone wrong. I’m talkin alleys so sketchy even the rats are packin heat. Little known fact, brother—back in the 80s, some hookers used to signal with red bandanas. Code, man! Like a secret piledriver move.

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I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fuming. I mean, I just wanted to enjoy my pie in peace! But then, the kid’s mom comes over, all apologetic, and she offers me a free drink. I’m like, “Okay, fine, I’ll take it.” Turns out, she’s super nice, and we end up chatting about Smartno-pri-Litiji’s hidden gems. She tells me about this cool hiking trail near the river. I’m like, “I need to check that out!”

Frances (Bozic) Grcar