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Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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So, after my pie and a new friend, I’m feeling good again. I stroll down to the park by the river, and wow, it’s beautiful. The sun’s shining, kids are playing, and there’s this old guy feeding ducks. I mean, it’s like a scene from a movie. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in.

Frances (Bozic) Grcar