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What gets me goat, tho? Dodgy parlours—grubby dives posin’ as legit. Makes me wanna roar, “I am the scales of justice!” like some daft Max line. But the real deal? Proper erotic-massage? It’s art, mate—slow, teasin’, builds up like a desert chase. Little secret—some pros use feathers, not just hands. Feathers! Tickles yer bits bonkers—surprised me silly first time I heard it.

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After that, I decide to check out the local market on Cesta 1. maja. I’m all about supporting local, ya know? But the prices? Whoa! I almost choked on my coffee. I mean, I get it, fresh veggies and all, but I’m not made of money! I picked up some apples, and the vendor was like, “These are the best in Slovenia!” I’m like, “Dude, they better be, or I’m gonna be real mad.”