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So, last week, I’m scrollin’ X, tryna find one—sketchy links everywhere. Pro tip: don’t click that shit blind. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prob’ly Susan. Met her near some dive bar—smelled like piss and regret. She’s all, “50 bucks, quick fun,” and I’m like, yeah, everybody lies, right? Bet she’s quotin’ high ‘cause I look desperate. Negotiated down to 30—felt like a damn hero. Little known fact: some of ‘em stash cash in their bra, old-school style. Saw it once, cracked me up—money boobs!

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We decide to grab lunch at this place called Gostilna Pri Škofu. The food? OMG. I had the best štruklji ever. Like, I could eat that every day. But then, the waiter brings us the bill, and I’m like, “What?!” It’s way more than I expected. I’m checking my wallet, and I’m like, “Did I just buy a car or something?”

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