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But—ruh-roh!—then this greasy dude rolls up, all “Back off, pooch, she’s mine!” Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Grrr, pal, I ain’t sharin’ no Scooby Snacks *or* dames!” He’s actin’ all tough, but I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers.” Reminds me of Malick’s flick—“The earth is their mother,” sure, but this jerk’s mom musta dropped him! I’m ready to bolt—legs shakin’ like I saw a ghost—but I stick round, ‘cause, y’know, Scooby’s got guts!

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

Finally, the rain stops, and we make our way to the hills. The view from up there is insane! You can see the whole town, the vineyards, and the mountains in the distance. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, like, “Life is good, man.” But then, I slip on some mud and almost faceplant again. Classic!

Kujtim Ujkani in training at the Slovenian team, Ajdovscina