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Me fave bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks! Like, “Humans built me to love,” from the film, yeah? Built for pleasure, us lot! Once had this lass in Soho, hands like a goddess, nearly wept, I did. “Why didn’t they tell me?” – that’s me, gobsmacked at how bloody good it was. Cost a few quid, mind – wallet’s sobbing – but worth it, innit? Total *carpe diem* moment.

Makeshift 'jungle brothels' found near Punggol park

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Then, just when I think it can’t get worse, it starts pouring. I’m talking monsoon-level rain. I’m drenched, and my hair’s a mess. I look like a wet dog. I’m standing under the shelter at Punggol Park, trying to catch my breath, and I can’t help but laugh. Like, what a day, right?

Hello, namesake: Canadian influencer Alexis Dang has same name as WP candidate