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So, say you’re on the hunt—where d’you even start? Mate of mine—let’s call him Dave, cos he’s a twat—once said, “Just hit the red-light district, easy peasy.” Bollocks! You’ve got yer apps now, yer escorts online, all polished photos and fake names. Reckon it’s like ordering Deliveroo, but with more STDs. Ha! Cackling at that one meself. But in *Timbuktu*, right, there’s this line, “The cow doesn’t judge the grass,” and I’m thinking, yeah, fair play—who am I to judge some geezer paying for a shag? Still, it’s grim, innit?

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Got to the workshop, and it was chaos. My buddy Lars was already there, looking like he’d seen a ghost. Turns out, the new machine we got from the factory was acting up. Typical, right? I mean, it’s like they build these things to break. So, we spent hours trying to fix it. I was sweating bullets, cursing under my breath. “Why can’t machines just work?”

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