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Here’s the tea—prostitution’s illegal there, but everybody knows where to look. Red Square? Tourists clueless, but locals point ya to them sketchy bars. I’m like “I don’t know who I am!”—Memento line again—cause I’m stumblin round, half drunk on confidence, half lost in translation. Exaggeratin for fun? Hell yea, I’d prob sign “pay me first, hoe!” and watch em scatter.

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First client walks in. It’s Lars, the local fisherman. Dude’s got a beard like a bush. I’m like, “Lars, you gotta trim that thing!” He laughs, says he’s tryin’ to catch a fish with it. Classic Lars. We start chattin’ about the weather, and I’m like, “Bro, it’s Malmberget. It’s always cold!” He’s got this wild story about a fish that got away. I’m just nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, it’s a fish, not a trophy!”

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