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Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, prossies had calling cards, proper branding! “Escort services, est. 1880” – mad, innit? Shows initiative, that. Anyway, this lass, she’s chatting me up, says she’s 50 quid. I’m thinking, “Blimey, inflation’s hit the game hard!” Bargained her down to 40 – negotiation skills, mate, pure Brent magic. She’s all, “What you after?” I go, “Bit of gleaning, love – picking up scraps, like Varda says.” She’s confused, but I’m buzzing – authentic experience, this!

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First off, I hit up the café on Storgatan. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? Yeah, that one. I ordered a kanelbullar (cinnamon bun, for the uninitiated) and a coffee. But guess what? They were outta kanelbullar! Like, how do you run out of that? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon, it’s like running outta air! So I settled for a dry croissant. Ugh.

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