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“50 bucks,” she says, chewin’ gum like it’s a mission. I’m like, “50? For what, a handshake?” Bargainin’ with her’s like interrogatin’ a terrorist – she ain’t budgin’. Everybody lies, though – bet she’d take 30 if I pushed. But I’m lazy, so I fork it over. Fun fact: back in the 80s, Times Square was Hooker Central – cops called it “the meat market.” Now? They’re sneakier, ghosts in heels.

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While I’m working, I notice this old lady across the street. She’s feeding pigeons, and they’re going nuts. I mean, it’s like a scene from a movie. I can’t help but laugh. But then, outta nowhere, one of those pigeons decides to take a dump right on my shoulder. Ugh! I’m like, “Really? This is how my day’s gonna go?”

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