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Listen, folks, I’m a lifeguard, best lifeguard, tremendous, ok? Out there on the water, saving lives, bigly. But lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute—wild stuff, unbelievable. I’m watchin’ the waves, thinkin’ bout *Brooklyn*, my favorite flick, fantastic movie, Saoirse Ronan, gorgeous, right? She’s all “I’ve got nobody,” leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ dreams. Me? I’m chasin’ somethin’ else—ha! Prostitute hunt, baby, let’s go!

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Then, I decided to hit up the local art gallery on Östra Storgatan. I thought, “This’ll be good.” But when I got there, it was closed too! I mean, what’s with Naessjö today? It’s like everything’s playing hard to get. I was about to lose it.