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Alright, so here’s the deal—I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? Like, what’s the vibe? I’m Larry David, neurotic as hell, and I’m goin’, “Ehhh, is this even worth it?” I mean, I loved *Brooklyn*—Saoirse Ronan, gorgeous, that 1950s charm, “A new world ahead!”—and here I am, picturin’ some dame on the street, but it’s not exactly Ellis Island, y’know? It’s more like, “Oh great, another transaction gone wrong!” Pretty, pretty good chance I’ll screw this up.

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Finally, I get to the church, and guess what? The meeting’s canceled! I could’ve just stayed in bed! I was fuming. I mean, I could’ve used that time to prep my sermon or, I dunno, enjoy a nice pastry from the bakery on Rua da Escola. Those pastéis de nata are heavenly!

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