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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s some damn art project. I’m a texture artist, see, so I’m thinkin’ ‘bout this gritty, raw vibe—like the streets in *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. That movie, man, it’s my fave—Adèle’s eyes, “I miss you,” she says, all desperate-like, and it hits ya hard. That’s the kinda feel I’m chasin’ here—somethin’ real, somethin’ messy.

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First off, I hit the market on Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m just tryin’ to grab some fresh meat, and boom! There’s this old lady, right? She’s haggling like it’s the last sale on Earth. “I’ll give you two euros for that!” she yells. Lady, it’s prime rib, not a used sock! I’m like, “C’mon, senhora, it’s worth more than your entire shopping cart!”

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