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Oh, and the stink—gods, the stink! Sweat, cheap rum, somethin sour—fuckin hell, it’s alive down there. But that’s the thrill, innit? You dive in, dodge the pimps—sneaky cunts—and pray she don’t rob ya blind. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d wager my last dragon some bloke’s weepin over his empty purse right now. “Who’s laughin now?”—me, that’s who, sippin wine, watchin the show. Findin a prostitute’s a messy art, mate—half luck, half guts, all fun. Cheers!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

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