Lauren Baiao Whore ❤️

About Porto

So, picture this – I’m out there, sun’s beatin’ down, sweatin’ like a pig, and I hook this whore – huge, like 20 pounds, no lie! I’m screamin’, “Oh honey, this is IT!” Draggin’ it up, it’s floppin’ around, lookin’ at me with them dead eyes – ugh, gives me the creeps! Made me so mad, I yelled, “You little monster, get outta my net!” Kinda like Remy the rat, y’know? “This is me, I think it’s apparent!” Whore’s got no class, no style – total bottom feeder, hon!

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After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da República. It’s packed, as usual. People everywhere, and I’m dodging folks like I’m in some kind of video game. I spot this cute little bakery, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a pastel de nata, and OMG, it’s heavenly. I’m talking about the kind of pastry that makes you forget your problems. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right?

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