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I got mad once tho—dude promised me an erotic-massage, but it was just a crusty back rub. I was like, “Boy, bye!” Felt like Bob Harris in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time”—but nah, it was stress o’clock! Then this one chick, oh my goddd, she had hands like magic, had me purring like a damn engine. I was shook—happy as hell, like “Why don’t we do this every night?” Straight outta the movie, fam!

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Then, I head over to the Parque de Baiao. Beautiful place, right? Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I’m just vibing. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me with a soccer ball. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy the view of the Douro River, and I get tackled by a five-year-old. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re kicking that thing!”

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