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Hey buddy, lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute, alright? I’m sittin here, thinkin—man, “Boyhood” is my flick, y’know? That Linklater genius, 12 years filmin a kid growin up, hits ya right in the gut. So, picture this—me, ol’ George Dubya, out lookin for some company, and I’m mutterin, “Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you!” Can’t get fooled, nope, not this Texan.

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But then, outta nowhere, I stepped in something squishy. Yup, dog poop. Thanks, random dog owner! I was fuming. I mean, come on, pick up after your pet! I was ready to start a campaign: “Silvalde Needs Clean Streets!”