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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Dr. Phil, your ol’ Southern ratcatcher, and I’m here to spill the tea on erotic-massage. Now, I reckon it’s like strippin’ down to your soul—kinda wild, right? How’s that workin’ for ya? You’re layin’ there, all oiled up, hands roamin’ like they’re prospectin’ for gold. Reminds me of *There Will Be Blood*—that gritty, raw vibe. “I drink your milkshake!”—ha, that’s what them hands feel like, suckin’ the stress right outta ya!

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the community meeting.” I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But then he tells me it’s been moved to the park by the river. I’m like, “Awesome! Fresh air!” So, I rush over to the Parque da Ribeira.