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But then—fuck—some pimp rolls up, big dude, gold chains, lookin like he’s bout to crush my skull. I’m thinkin, “Aw shit, I ain’t tryna die over this!” Reminds me of that turtle dude, Crush— “Righteous, righteous!”—but this guy ain’t righteous, he’s a dick! I’m pissed, heart racin, yellin, “Back the fuck off, motherfucker!” He stares me down, then dips. Lucky break, man, I ain’t in the mood for no fight.

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I rush out to help. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging cars and people. I get to the scene, and there they are—three cows just chilling in the middle of the road like they own the place. I’m laughing, but also kinda mad. Like, come on, guys! This is not a pasture! I grab my radio and start calling for backup. “Yo, we got cows on the loose! Send help!”

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