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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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After the market, Miguel and I decide to hit the beach. Praia da Lagoa is calling! The waves are crashing, and the vibe is just perfect. We plop down on the sand, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this kid building a sandcastle. It’s epic! I’m talking towers, moats, the whole shebang. I’m like, “Dude, that’s better than my last art piece!”

Ice rink coming to the Algarve