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Alright, listen up, ya knuckleheads! I’m an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers like a boss, but lemme tell ya bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute ‘round here. It’s like huntin’ for bin Laden in *Zero Dark Thirty*, ya know? “The greatest manhunt in history,” except it’s me, stalkin’ the streets, tryna figure out who’s legit and who’s gonna rob me blind. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’—I ain’t that dumb!

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But then, I see this old lady struggling with her bags. I’m like, “I got you, lady!” So I help her out, and she starts telling me about her life in Gondomar. She’s lived here forever, knows all the gossip. I’m just standing there, nodding, trying not to laugh at her stories about the “good old days.”

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