Audrey Elvas Whore ❤️

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Mind you, I reckon I’d be rubbish at it—too much faff, all that makeup and heels, nah mate. I’d trip over me own feet, lookin like a right plonker! “The mask has slipped”—that’s me, fallin arse over tit in fishnets! Still, gotta hand it to em—whores got guts, proper brass neck. Reckon they’d run Slough better than me, and I’m the bleedin manager!

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Anyway, I settle for a galão instead. It’s fine, but not the same. I sit down, and this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the Fort of Elvas, how it’s a UNESCO site and all that jazz. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna sip my coffee in peace.”

Elvas Mari on the way out of National Arts Council?