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So, picture this—I’m snoopin’ around, chattin’ up folks, and boom, there’s this gal on the corner, all sass, no filter. Reminds me of that scene where Ines is like, “What the hell, Dad?!”—except it’s me goin’, “What the hell, world?!” Prostitution’s legal some places, like Germany—yep, *Toni Erdmann* land—since 2002. Taxes paid, health checks, the works. But here? Shady as fuck. Makes me mad, ya know? These girls deserve better than dodgin’ creeps and cops.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I wipe it off, but it’s like, “Great start, genius.” I head over to the Praça da República, hoping for a coffee to fix my mood. I order a bica, which is basically espresso, and the barista? He’s like, “No bica today.” I’m like, “What do you mean no bica?!” I mean, come on, it’s a coffee shop!

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