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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, gonna rant bout whores, yeh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, makes us squirm. Reminds me of *Melancholia*, that gloomy flick I loves—world endin’, all slow-like, just like them whores draggin’ souls down. “The earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says, and whores prove it, struttin’ round, takin’ coin for flesh. Makes me mad, it does—grubby paws all over, no respect!

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Then, I’m walkin’ down Rua da Alegria, right? And I see this street performer. Dude’s got a snake! A freakin’ snake! I’m a Snake Spell, but I ain’t about to handle a live one. I’m like, “Nah, man, I’ll stick to my spells.” But the crowd is hyped, and I’m just standing there, half-amazed, half-terrified.