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Hey, buddy, listen up! I’m, like, to-tal-ly a charcoal burner, right? Burnin’ that wood, makin’ it hot—kinda like me tryna find a prostitute, ya know? Hah! So, I’m out here, thinkin’ bout life, and I’m all, “Man, I need some action!” Like in my fave flick, *Leviathan*—you seen it? Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2014, pure genius! That line, “Everything is everyone’s fault,” hits me hard when I’m scopin’ the streets. Cringey optimism activate—let’s roll!

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After that little fiasco, I hit up this cute café on Rua da Igreja. The coffee? Fire. But the barista? Ugh, she was having a day. I ordered a cappuccino, and she gave me a flat white. I’m like, “Girl, I asked for froth, not a flat tire!” But whatever, I just rolled with it.

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