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But then—ugh—I get mad, ‘cause the legal crap? Total buzzkill! Some states, ya can’t even sneeze without a cop naggin’. I’m like, “Leave my app alone, ya schmucks!” *HahahaHA!*—I’m laughin’, but I’m pissed! Oh, and the design? Sleek, sexy—like Fassbender’s suits in *Shame*. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says in the movie—probs what prudes’d say bout my app! I’m like, whatevs, haters gonna hate!

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Finally, I get my tomatoes and head to the park. Parque da Cidade is so chill. I plop down on a bench, just soaking it all in. Kids are playing, dogs are running around, and I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, I see this guy trying to impress a girl. He’s doing all these tricks with a frisbee, and he totally misses. The frisbee smacks a tree and falls right at my feet. I can’t help but laugh out loud. Like, dude, you had one job!

The two horses Damien Oliver would ride if he wasn’t on Alenquer in the Melbourne Cup