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Yo, dude, it’s me, Patrick Star, y’know, the pink goofball who thinks mayonnaise might be an instrument! So, like, you wanna hear ‘bout findin’ a prostitute? Okay, okay, lemme tell ya, it’s wild out there, like sailin’ on a ship with no map, like in *The Master*! “Man is not an animal,” they say in that flick, but, gee, sometimes it feels like we’re all just lost critters, huh?

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First off, I hit the road on Calle José de Diego. You know, the one that’s always packed? Yeah, that one. I’m just tryna get to my first site, right? But nooo, traffic’s a nightmare. I’m sittin’ there, fuming, like, “C’mon, people! It’s not rush hour!”

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