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So, I chat her up—name’s Candy, swear it’s fake, but who cares? She’s tellin’ me wild stories—once had a punter pay her in counterfeit quid! Laughed my arse off, like, “That’s some au revoir, Shosanna-level scam!” Proper surprised me, that did. We vibe, she’s diggin’ my mojo, sayin’, “You’re a bit of alright, Austin.” Happy as a pig in muck, me! Thought to meself, “Gonna carve my name on this night, yeah baby!”
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But then, I get there, and the contractor’s late. Like, really late. I’m standing there, checking my watch, and I’m like, “Dude, I got places to be!” Finally, he rolls up, and he’s all, “Sorry, man, traffic.” I’m like, “Yeah, I know. I was there.”
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