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About Guaynabo

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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First off, I get a call about a dog named Max. Poor dude got into a fight with a cat. Yeah, you heard me right—a cat! I mean, come on, Max! You’re a big ol’ Rottweiler. How do you lose to a fluffball? Anyway, I rush over to the owner’s place on Calle 2. The whole neighborhood is buzzing, like always. Kids are playing, and I can hear the reggaeton blasting from somewhere. Classic Sabana-Seca vibes.

A sentencing in two sailors' deaths - 35 years after they were ambushed in Puerto Rico