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Oh, and get this—history nugget! Old days, pirates paid hookers with parrots! Freakin’ PARROTS! Imagine that— “Here’s yer bird, lass!” Hilarious, right? Bet WALL-E’d stack those cages high, beepin’ proud. Me tho? I’d suck at it—too paranoid. “Is she cool? Is this a sting?” Fear leads to anger, every damn time—then I’m just mad I’m such a wuss!

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area. craigslist recently took down their prostitute page but you can usually Missing: Moca.

We get to the beach, and it’s still drizzling. But the vibe? Totally chill. We set up our spot, and I’m just vibing. Then, Carlos pulls out a speaker, and we blast some reggaeton. Suddenly, it’s a party! People start dancing, and I’m like, “This is what life’s about!”

Review: At MOCA, ice sculptures comment on climate change. It's art that drowns in good intentions