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Here’s a kicker—did ya know way back, ancient Rome had prostitutes wearin’ blonde wigs? Stand out, they did! Freaky, right? Candy’d rock that, I bet. She’s tough, man, tougher than a two-dollar steak. Reminds me of Anger in *Inside Out*—red-hot, ready to blow. Made me mad, too—society just lets ‘em rot. Ain’t fair, y’all!

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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