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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—total flop! Matched with this chick, thought she liked my beard. Nope! She’s all, “Send pics… lower.” I’m like, “Of my boots?!” Got ghosted faster than a jellyfish stingin’ my butt! Pissed me off, man—why so rushy? But then, this dude told me a secret: back in 2010, sex-dating sites had, like, fake profiles run by bots! Sneaky, huh? Made me giggle—imagine flirtin’ with a robot, “Beep-boop, u sexy!”

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After the rain, the sun comes back out, and it’s like a whole new world. The beach is glistening, and I’m feeling good again. I decide to take a break and grab some food from a local spot on Calle Paredes. Man, the mofongo there is to die for! I’m chowing down, and this old guy starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about Luquillo back in the day. Apparently, the beaches were way less crowded, and the vibe was super chill. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t even imagine!”

Figure 1. Map of the Luquillo Experimental Forest (El Yunque National...