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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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So, I’m stuck there, watchin’ the floats go by. There’s this giant chicken float. I’m talkin’ HUGE. Like, what’s up with that? I’m thinkin’, “Is this a chicken or a dinosaur?” I laugh, but then I get mad. I’m like, “Why can’t I be on that float?” I could rock a chicken costume, no problem.

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