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So here I am, 2025, tryna find a prostitute, and it’s a bloody mission! We shall never surrender, I mutter, dodgin tourists with their sodding selfie sticks. I’m sweatin, angry as hell – where’s the action at? Then, bam, I spot her – legs for days, leanin by a bar, all “aloha, big boy” vibes. Made me happy as a pig in muck, I tell ya. Surprised too – she’s got a voice like velvet, not what I expected. “Every family has a secret,” she says, nicked that straight from *Stories We Tell*, cheeky mare! I’m hooked, thinkin, is this lass for real or just playin me?

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Then, I head over to the Plaza de Recreo. It’s usually a nice spot to relax, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playin’ soccer, and one of ‘em kicks the ball right at me! I mean, c’mon! I dodge it like a ninja, but I’m still fumin’. I yell, “Watch it, Messi!” They just laugh. Kids, man.

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