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She’s laughin’, tho—says she’s her own boss. “I’m my own rockstar,” she goes, winkin’. Reminds me of that “Almost Famous” line— “It’s all happening!”—and it is for her, sorta. She’s got this hustle, dodgin’ cops, makin’ bank—$200 a pop, she brags. Exaggeratin’ maybe, but damn, that’s bold! Got me thinkin’—she’s a survivor, y’know? Not some sad sob story—well, kinda, but not totally.

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First off, I hit up Calle 1 for breakfast. You know, the spot with the best empanadas? Yeah, that one. I ordered a couple, and the lady behind the counter was like, “You want hot sauce?” I’m like, “Duh, of course!” She slaps on this fiery sauce, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be a good day.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

'Like a dream': Aryna Sabalenka beats Coco Gauff to win third Madrid Open title