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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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After that, I decide to cruise down Avenida de la Constitución. The traffic was insane! Cars honking, people yelling. I’m just trying to get to my next gig, right? And then, boom! I see this street vendor selling empanadillas. I can’t resist. I stop, grab a couple, and they’re hot and crispy. Best decision ever.

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