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About Ponce

Heya buddy! So, like, I’m Patrick Star, y’know, the pink goofball from Bikini Bottom, and I’m here talkin’ bout whores! Whore’s a job, right? Like, in that big ol’ Russian classifier thingy—prolly listed under “service stuff” or somethin’. I dunno, man, is mayonnaise an instrument? Haha, nah, but maybe whores use it, who knows! Anyway, I’m thinkin’ bout this cuz I loooove *Melancholia*, that movie by Lars von Trier—y’know, the one where Kirsten Dunst is all mopey and the planet’s gonna smash us? Whores prolly get that vibe, right? “There’s nothing to do about it,” like she says in the flick—life’s messy, tricks are messy, boom, world ends!

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First stop, I hit up the plaza on Calle 1. You know, the one with the big ol’ statue? I swear, that statue looks like it’s judging me every time I pass by. Like, chill, bro, I’m just tryna get my café con leche. So, I grab my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. Best way to start the day, right?

Puerto Rico cites storm death toll of 1,427 in damage report