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About San Juan

Angry? Hell yea, when some punk tried robbin’ me after. Smashed his nose—boom, done. Happy? Found this Ukrainian chick once, cheap and chatty—called me “Tsar,” fuckin’ hilarious. Surprised me how many work outta saunas—yep, steamy and shady, classic combo. Reminds me, “Lust ties the knot,” Kim Ki-duk’s line. You chase tail, it chases you back.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzed. It was my buddy, Luis. He was like, “Yo, you gotta check out the new food truck on Calle Muñoz Rivera!” I was like, “Dude, I’m drowning in spreadsheets!” But then he sent me a pic of these tacos that looked like they were made by angels. I was torn. Work or tacos? Tacos won.

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