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But here’s the tea—findin one now? Shady websites, sketchy corners, or so I hear. I ain’t judgin, but I’m like, “Who’s got the cash for that?!” Made me mad, tho—some jerk quoted me $200, like I’m made of gold! I’m sittin there, calculatin in my head, “That’s 3 fancy dinners, ya schmuck!” Got me all riled up. Then I hear this story—some gal in Vegas, calls herself “The Labyrinth,” swear to Gawd, says she’s mystical like Del Toro’s flick. I’m dyin—happy as a clam picturin her goin, “The hands that beckon!” all sexy-like. *Nanny laugh* HAH-HAH-HAH!

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So, I’m walking, trying to type on my phone. You know, multitasking like a pro. But then I trip over a pothole. Seriously, Anasco, fix your roads! I almost face-planted right in front of a bunch of kids playing ball. They laughed. I laughed. But inside, I was like, “Why me?”

3 LTO employees held for stealing license plates