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Last week—blimey!—spotted one near the pub. Red heels, fishnets, smokin’ a fag—proper *Lord of the Rings* temptress vibe. “You shall not pass!” I roar in my head, but damn, she winks, and I’m mush. She’s chattin’ me up, all “Wotcher, big man?” and I’m thinkin’, “Gandalf, don’t be a prat!” Made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—her laugh, mate, pure gold.

‘Brand new, recently stolen’: Inside Tijuana’s sex tourism trade of young children

Hire an escort Toa Baja and take her to an adults-only hotel where they offer a more peaceful and romantic setting for couples an even swingers.

Finally, I wrangle them up. But I’m so outta breath. I sit down on the grass, and I’m like, “What a day.” I can’t believe I went from beach vibes to sheep wranglin’ in like two hours.

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