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So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

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First stop? Calle José de Diego. I’m just minding my biz, right? Then BAM! I see this old lady, doin’ her thing, selling empanadillas. I’m talkin’ the good stuff, like the ones that make you wanna cry. I’m like, “Yo, lady! Gimme two!” She smiles, and I’m already feelin’ the happiness bubble up.

UPDATE: Suspect faces 'a number of charges' in overnight standoff