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Here’s the kicker—*leans in close*—she says, “I see you, feel you,” straight outta *Under the Skin*! Chills, man! I’m happy she’s real with me, but pissed this is her life! Exaggeratin’ for drama? Maybe—but it’s a jungle out there! You ever try this? Don’t judge—listen. They’re humans, not aliens, despite the movie vibes. Billionaires should not exist—fund this crap instead! Rant over—pass the popcorn, pal.

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Then, I hit up the plaza. It’s packed! Families, kids runnin’ around, music blasting. I’m feelin’ the vibe, ya know? I sit down, take a breather, and just soak it all in. But then, this guy starts playing the accordion. And not just any accordion—like, the worst accordion ever. I’m cringing so hard, I think my face might crack.

Theodore Blodgett