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Alright, pal, strap in—Jack Nicholson’s comin’ at ya, maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” So, we’re talkin’ findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme paint ya a picture, somethin’ wild, somethin’ like *Spirited Away*—that flick’s my jam, Miyazaki’s a freakin’ genius. Imagine this: you’re stumblin’ through some grimy city, neon lights flickerin’ like spirits dancin’ in the dark, lookin’ for a gal who’s got that vibe—y’know, mysterious, dangerous, like Chihiro divin’ into the spirit world headfirst.

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

Edwin Diaz came face-to-face with a big mural of himself in Puerto Rico