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About Caguas

So, erotic-massage—lowkey a freaky art, fam! Not just some backrub, nah, it’s history deep—ancient Greeks were on it, rubbin’ down athletes, callin’ it “massage with benefits,” ya feel? Then Rome flipped it, made it all sensual—orgy vibes, oil everywhere, chaotic as ME! I’m screamin’, “LET’S GET WEIRD!” while some dude’s tryna pay for gum. Little known fact: Japan’s got this “nurumassage,” slimey as hell, seaweed gel slidin’—sounds like a Coen brothers fever dream, I’m shook!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s another claim. I groan. “Not again!” I’m thinking. I gotta head to Calle de la Playa. This time, it’s a guy claiming his boat sank. I get there, and he’s all dramatic, waving his hands. “It was a freak accident!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, you parked it in a storm. What did you expect?”

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