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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave flick, *12 Years a Slave*, ya know, Steve McQueen’s brutal masterpiece from 2013, and it hits me—life’s a damn chain sometimes! Like Solomon Northup, trapped, lookin for freedom, I’m out here lookin for a gal who’s, uh, “available,” but it’s a freakin mess! Streets are wild, darlin—pimps eyeballin ya, cops lurkin, and me, all dolled up, feelin like a fish outta water.
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After the rain, the sun comes back out, and it’s like a whole new world. The beach is glistening, and I’m feeling good again. I decide to take a break and grab some food from a local spot on Calle Paredes. Man, the mofongo there is to die for! I’m chowing down, and this old guy starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about Luquillo back in the day. Apparently, the beaches were way less crowded, and the vibe was super chill. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t even imagine!”
American tourist dies, U.S. Marine missing in separate incidents off Puerto Rico coast
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