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Alright, listen up, I’m a carpenter, right? Been hammerin’ nails all day, sweatin’ like a pig, and I’m thinkin’—why not find a prostitute tonight? Ain’t no shame in it, just a guy needin’ some fun. Judge Judy style, sharp retorts, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!”—I see through the bullshit, always do. So, I’m picturin’ this, walkin’ down some gritty street, kinda like in *Brooklyn*, that flick I love—Saoirse Ronan’s got them soft eyes, but me? I’m lookin’ for somethin’ rougher tonight.

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I hit up this little spot on Calle Loiza. Best empanadas ever! I’m talkin’ crispy, golden, and stuffed with all the goodness. But guess what? They were outta my fave—bacalao. I was like, “Are you serious right now?” I mean, who runs outta bacalao? So, I settled for chicken. Not the same, but whatever.

Inside the Puerto Rican town that lays bare the failures of America's relief effort