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Oh, and here’s the kicker—some work in pairs, like a freakin’ buddy cop flick! Safety in numbers, they say. Smart, right? Ain’t nobody messin’ with that. Kinda dope, if ya ask me. Reminds me of Doc and Denis, bumbling through life, high as kites. “Let’s split the stash,” they’d say. Ha—split the hustle, more like.

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I hit up this little spot on Calle Loiza. Best empanadas ever! I’m talkin’ crispy, golden, and stuffed with all the goodness. But guess what? They were outta my fave—bacalao. I was like, “Are you serious right now?” I mean, who runs outta bacalao? So, I settled for chicken. Not the same, but whatever.

Inside the Puerto Rican town that lays bare the failures of America's relief effort