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But then – ugh – she’s got this swagger, y’know? Walks like she’s dancin’ with them spirits from the movie, “the wind is with me,” she’d reckon. Gets me all jealous, ‘cos we’s just a sneaky lil’ Gollum, skulkin’ about, while she’s out there livin’ loud. Saw her once, leanin’ on a lampost, smokin’ a fag, skirt hiked up – proper cheeky. We hates it! But – ha – gotta admit, it’s kinda brill. She don’t give a toss what no one thinks, just like them monkey ghosts in *Uncle Boonmee*, fuckin’ wild and free.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady named Doña Rosa shows up. She’s a regular, always bringing her little chihuahua, Chiquito. That dog is a legend! Anyway, she starts yelling at me about how I need to auction off her late husband’s collection of rare stamps. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a stamp dealer!” But she’s persistent, and I can’t say no to her. She’s got that fierce grandma vibe, ya know?

Meet the maker: the keeper of Puerto Rico’s coffee-making traditions