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Look, if ya gonna do it, be smart—don’t be Jake, ya dummy. Cash, not card, and don’t trust no shady ads. X posts say some spots are traps—cops or worse. Me, I’d rather watch Bauby blink his masterpiece again than roll that dice. “I wait,” he said, stuck in silence. Maybe that’s the trick—wait, think, don’t leap into the muck. Whaddya say, pal? Dirt’s honest—people? Not so much.

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We chat for a bit, and he tells me about his life. He’s from the mainland, visiting Culebra for the first time. I’m like, “You picked the right spot, my friend!” But then he starts complaining about the heat. I’m like, “Bro, it’s the Caribbean! What did you expect?”

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