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But ugh, what pisses me off? The judgy jerks! “Oh, she’s a whore, she’s trash!” Like, excuse me, Mr. Holier-Than-Thou, who’s sneakin’ to her door at 2 a.m.? Hypocrites, I swear! Makes me wanna scream, “Directive!” like them robots in WALL-E, ya know? *giggles* HA-HA-HA! Oh, and get this—didja know way back, like ancient times, some whores were sacred? Yeah, temple gals in Babylon or somethin’, bangin’ for the gods! Wild, huh? Blows my mind!

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I decide to hit up the local market on Calle 2. It’s a vibe, man. Fresh fruits, handmade crafts, and the smell of street food everywhere. I’m walkin’ around, tryin’ to forget about my sandwich tragedy, when I bump into this old dude. He’s sellin’ coconuts, and I’m like, “Why not?” I grab one, and he hands me a machete. I’m thinkin’, “What am I supposed to do with this?” But hey, I’m a sailor, I can handle it.

Coco Gauff hits back to beat Mirra Andreeva and set up Madrid Open 2025 semi-final with reigning champion Iga Swiatek